


A Pleasant Exchange

by Tsaiko



Series: From Villains to Allies [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU of an AU, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Denial of Feelings, Drug Dealing, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Violence, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Superheroes, Supervillains, kustard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsaiko/pseuds/Tsaiko
Summary: Red and Sans have a chat. So do the villains of this series. Everything goes great. Nothing bad could possibly happen as a result.
Relationships: Red/Sans, Sans/Sans (Undertale), UT!Sans/UF!Sans
Series: From Villains to Allies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1385578
Comments: 18
Kudos: 44





	A Pleasant Exchange

**Author's Note:**

> I want you all to know that it took every ounce of willpower I had not to make the summary of this chapter "Kustard? In my SpicyHoney fic? It's more likely than you think."

It was the second Monday of the month. Red had a standing appointment on the second and fourth Monday of each month. At 2pm, he and Sans met on the top of an office building downtown. They met rain or shine, hot or cold, sick or well. Sans had cancelled once when they'd been out of the country fighting a giant spider that was controlled by some version of Muffett. Red had cancelled twice: once because he'd been in jail and his brother hadn't bailed him out yet, and the second time because he'd been in the hospital for almost eight weeks. 

They didn't talk about the second time. He'd almost died. Red had sent the most humiliating text ever while still high on drugs and Edge had dusted the four guys who did it. While being seen across town at a club. Red knew for a fact Edge would never step foot into a club unless forced to. He hated the flashing lights, the smoke, and the music. It tended to trigger one of his headaches.

Guess having over two dozen alibis was what it took to get him through the door. Who knew? Certainly not Red. He'd never been able to get Edge to tell him how he'd managed to have the deed done.

Red glanced down at his watch. Three minutes after two. Sans was late. It wasn't the first time, and Red was going to take advantage of Sans's tardiness by having a cigarette without having to listen to Sans bitch about it. Sans complained not because he hated them. Oh no. But because Sans desperately wanted one too, but was too uptight to smoke. 

Whatever. Red wasn't going to give up one of his vices just because Sansy got the vapors.

As if summoned by his thoughts, there was the quiet sound of a tear in the fabric of space and time opening. Red sighed. Timing. He quickly took drag on the cigarette when Sans stepped through, wearing his typical, placid smile. It was the one he always wore around strangers. 

He hated that smile. Red preferred the flashes of anger that he managed to provoke in Sans. Or the genuine laughter. Or even the wry grin when Sans let Red in on the jokes he made at his own expense. Someone with a mind like Sans's shouldn't try to hide their personality behind a bland smile.

Sans's spine was a line of tension as he looked around the roof. Well now. Wasn't that interesting? What had Sans in a snit? Red took another drag before he flicked his cigarette butt into the corner of the doorway he was lurking in, and stepped forward out of the shadows. Gravel crunched under his foot, deliberately, to let Sans know he was coming. He'd made the mistake of sneaking up on Sans once. The only reason he was still alive was because of his ability to dodge.

As soon as Sans saw him, some of the tension in his spine eased. What the fuck? That wasn't normally the reaction people had to seeing Red. Even Sans didn't normally have that reaction to seeing him. 

"wasn't sure if you would be here," Sans said. He forced himself to relax further, a trick Red could see right through. That stupid grin was still on his face.

"This is the time we always meet. Ain't like I'm goin' to break the streak or nothin'." Red kept his eyes on Sans as he walked forward. Sans's face gave nothing away, but his eyes flicked over Red's face. Time for a different tactic. "You know somethin' I don't?"

It was entirely possible. That was one of the reasons they had these little meetings. Red gave Sans information he collected and Sans gave Red the information he collected. More than once that information had kept him and the boss from getting in over their heads.

"word on the street is you have a houseguest."

"The honeybun?" That's what this was about? "He ain't my guest. He's stayin' with the boss."

Sans studied him. "i didn't think you'd admit it." 

Red shrugged. "Stretch isn't subtle. Half the neighborhood is probably gossipin' about it. I ain't surprised it got back to you. Boss don’t seem to mind. It's not like someone's stupid enough to try anythin'."

"so you're just fine telling me you've kidnapped him?" Sans sounded incredulous. That got Red's attention. That what people were saying? Fucking hell, Stretch was not going to be the reason Edge got hauled in front of a judge for some trumped up charge.

"Bull. Shit." Red's voice was low and angry. "It's not kidnapping it he fucking walks himself to the front door."

"it's kidnapping if you hold him against his will."

"Sweetheart, that's false imprisonment, not kidnapping. Get it right." Red forced down some of his anger. Not all of it. Even he wasn't that good at controlling his emotions. But getting too angry wouldn't get him information. "And that's not what's happenin'. The honeybun can leave any time he wants. I ain't stoppin' him and neither is the Boss."

"you expect me to believe that." Even as he said the words, Sans was frowning. Creepy face reading fucker. Let him look. Red wasn't lying.

This time.

"Believe what'cha want," Red replied. "You usually do." It was a good thing Red managed to keep the bitterness out of his voice when he said. Sans would pick up on that shit if he wasn't careful.

"so if you aren't holding him and your brother isn't holding him, why hasn't he come home?" Sans asked.

Good question. Red went through dozen lies but discarded them all. Sans was too good at reading him. He'd identify a lie in a heartbeat.

Red wasn't going to tell him the truth either. Someone had drugged Stretch. The odds that Sans or any of the other superheroes were involved were small, but they weren't none. And that tracker on Stretch's shoelaces? It for fucking sure wasn't the same type as what was in his hoodie. He was a paranoid bastard, and he'd grown fond of Stretch. Red wasn't going to put him in more danger if he could help it.

He kind of wanted to laugh. Sans had asked, back when they first started their Monday meetings, why he should trust Red. Red had told Sans he shouldn't. He was an untrustworthy bastard, but as long as Sans didn't hold out on him, Red wouldn't lie to him. Pinky swear.

Turns out Red was the one with trust issues. Fuck. He and Sans were never going to be more than enemies who had a truce going on. Red shouldn't want more.

He didn't deserve more.

"Not my story to tell, sweetheart," Red said after the silence had stretched (heh) for too long. "If you want to do a welfare check, be my guest. You know where Boss lives."

Sans looked appalled. "i don't have a death wish."

That got a bark of laughter from Red. "Death wish? Just ring the doorbell and you'll be fine. Hell, if you catch him on the right day, you get a free meal outta it."

"no thanks," Sans replied. Then he cocked his head to one side, as if studying an interesting experiment. Red wondered what Sans thought he saw in his expression. "stretch's family is worried about him."

"Yeah? Then they can go pay a visit to the Boss." Red snorted. "Stretch'll probably be home in a week. Maybe less."

"that sounds oddly specific."

"Don't it just." Red's tone of voice made it clear the discussion was over. "You got anythin' else to tell me or are we goin' to discuss the same shit over and over again."

Sans wanted to keep discussing Stretch. Red could see it in the way he held himself, the way that bland smile faltered. Then Sans shrugged. He might pretend that the whole thing was no big deal, but Red knew better. Whatever. As long as Sansy dropped it or actually went to see Stretch himself, it wasn't Red's problem.

The rest of the intel they exchanged was pretty routine. Red provided mostly gossip about what gang was moving into what territory and who was on the outs with who to Sans. Sans provided news about which superheroes were forming alliances and which ones were feuding to Red. The longer they talked, the more relaxed Sans became. This was more like their standard routine. As he spoke, Sans moved closer as well, seeming to forget that he'd accused Red of helping kidnap one of his friends just a few minutes ago. Soon Sans was close enough to touch.

Red never quite got up the nerve to touch him.

Eventually their words slowed, leaving them both staring awkwardly at each other. Sans opened his mouth as if to ask a question, closed it, and then gave a small laugh. Red didn't think it was directed at him. "you got anything else?"

"No." Red couldn't stop himself from staring, memorizing the way Sans looked. Trying to commit something other than Sans's placid smile to memory. He wondered what Sans thought of his staring. There was no clue in his expression.

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Sans – again – to pay a visit to his brother's house. Edge would call him when it happened. Then Red would see Sans sooner than two weeks from now. Red swallowed the selfish words back. Pressing the issue would only make the other skeleton more suspicious. 

"welp, you know the rules."

"Yeah, yeah. First one here, first one to leave," Red replied. He gave a little wave. "See you in a few, Sansy."

He didn't teleport far. Just to the roof of the neighboring building. Red could still watch Sans from here, and he did. Sans stared at the place Red had been standing just a few seconds ago. What was he thinking? It was too far for Red to read his expression, but he got the feeling even if he was standing right there, Sans's thoughts would still be a mystery.

Then Sans shook his head, turned, and disappeared into a shortcut. Red scrubbed at his face, trying to get his expression back under control. There were things he needed to get done. He couldn't just spend all his time mooning over Sans.

"Get your shit together," Red told himself. Then he disappeared into the void.

***

In one of the dark alleys of the city in a neighborhood near Snowdin, a grey bun knocked on a door. The door was a rusty color with flaking bits of green paint clinging to one corner. Someone moved on the other side. The bun's grey ears flicked nervously around, tracking ever sound.

"Who is it?" came a deep, masculine voice from the other side. The grey bun rolled his eyes.

"Who do you think it is, you idiot. It's Peter. I need to see Pyric."

"Let me check you out." The door opened and a check washed over him. Peter gritted his teeth, feeling his upper and lower incisors grind against each other. It was a good thing his teeth grew his entire life. Otherwise Peter would have worn them to a nub from having to deal with Aaron and his terrible pick-up lines. "Come here to talk about your failure to get some tail?" Aaron laughed at his own joke.

Grit. Grit. If the G wasn't so good, Peter would have left the first time Aaron opened his mouth. He pushed past the sea horse, prepared to throw an elbow if he had to, and stopped himself just in time. There was another monster in the corner. It looked like a very, very still moldsmol. Peter knew from experience that it was a moldbygg. One that was strangely protective of Aaron.

"Let me go ask Mr. P if he'll see you," Aaron said. "You can wait with Byggye while I do!"

"Awesome," Peter said. Aaron disappeared down a dark hallway. Even though moldsmols didn't have eyes, Peter couldn't help but feel like he was being watched. He tried to act calm. He failed. His ears kept twitching and one of his feet was jiggling from adrenaline.

"It's a good thing you're not just somebunny," Aaron said. "Mr. P says he can make room for you in his schedule. He'll see you now."

"Thank Aaron."

"It's Aáron! Makes it seem worldlier if you add the accent. Potential bedmates love foreigners." Aaron winked. Peter wanted to call Aaron an idiot, but caught the moldbygg out of the corner of his eye. Had it moved closer? He swallowed back the words.

The hallway was barely finished. There was exposed wiring, bare studs, and only occasionally dry wall. The light fixtures were mismatched. One of the bulbs flickered. Water dripped into a bucket in the corner. It did not invite anyone to linger and Peter moved down it quickly. There were three doors leading off the hallway. Peter stopped in front of the second one.

Before he could knock, the door opened. Peter hated that. The only way Pyrric could make the door open so reliably was if there were cameras watching the door, and he'd never been able to spot them.

"Peter. I was expecting you at some point," Pyrric said from behind the desk in his office. Peter had never seen him not sitting down. Pyrric was a bun, just like Peter. He had matte black fur and blazing red eyes. A couple patches of fur were missing revealing pale white skin. One of his ears was permanently mangled. It drooped down at an odd angle to one side of Pyrric's head.

Peter had first met him at a bun gathering. He wished they'd never been introduced. If he hadn't met him, Peter wouldn't owe Pyrric so much money and he definitely wouldn't be involved in Fell bullshit.

"I want out," Peter said before Pyrric could say anything. The other bun just looked at him. "Look, I was fine when this was just me having to help you bring down some of the superheroes. It wasn't great, but a deal is a deal. Now it's different. The Fell brothers are involved."

"Nothing had changed, Peter. You still haven't paid your debt off." Pyrric's voice was reasonable. Pleasant even. His red eyes followed Peter as he paced. "I can release you from our original plan. Obviously, you charms are not as persuasive as you claimed. But I still need your help in getting close to Tale monsters." Pyrric smiled. His incisors were sharp. "For some reason, as a Fell monster, I am considered untrustworthy.

"Everything has changed!" Peter yelled. "Do you think I want my wife to collect my dust from the guard because it was found in a little jar above City Hall?"

"To be fair, Mr. Edge was never convicted of that crime. There was simply not enough evidence to link him to it."

"Fuck being fair, Pyrric. There's only one person who they can link to the whole plot, and that's me. Do you think that Stretch is just going to let me traipse along my merry way? Or that he's not going to point me out to the Fells as soon as he sees me? I can't hide in my house forever. My wife already knows something is up."

Pyrric put his paws in front of his nose, obviously thinking. Peter waited. There was no use in rushing Pyrric. It never worked. "I understand your concern. It is a problem that you were seen by Stretch but were unable to hold him until Aáron and Byggye arrived. But it is your problem. Had you been able to do what you agreed to, this would not be an issue. So I don't see how that is my problem."

"You can't be..."

"Furthermore, Mr. Edge's alleged permanent dismissal of the new gang was a consequence of them going after his brother." Pyrric spoke right over Peter's protests. "I doubt he is as attached to an enemy as he is to his family."

"How can you be sure..."

"Finally, and this is the most important part, you still are in my debt. Nothing you did in your attempt to capture Stretch changed that fact. I should add interest for wasting my time." Pyrric smacked a paw on the desk. Peter jumped at the sound. "So unless you want your wife or your children involved in this matter, I suggest you act normal until I come up with a way to make up for your incompetence."

"You would threaten my family?" Peter asked aghast. "You're a bun! How could you just involve family over some G?"

"That 'some G' is closer to 10,000 G. Which is pretty substantial amount even among monsters," Pyrric stated. "And I am not threatening your family. I am simply stating that unless you stop acting hunted, your family will become aware that something is happening. You already said your wife suspects something. We are buns. We live off gossip and interfering. So act like nothing is wrong."

"But the Fell brothers."

Pyrric waved away Peter's concern. "I can handle the Fell issue. I need you to act normal. Go to your job. Take your wife on a date. Play with your kids. I'll come up with another plan and you can start actually paying down your debt." Rather than wait for Peter's answer, Pyrric pushed a button on his desk. Less than a minute later, Peter felt a beefy hand on his shoulder. "Aáron will show you out. Don't worry. We will get through this. Just trust me."

Peter wanted to protest more, but realized it would be futile. Instead he let Aaron manhandle him back out to the alley. This had not gone at all like he'd planned.

Things rarely did ever since he'd gotten involved with Fell monsters.

***

After Peter had left, Pyrric called Byggye into his office. The moldbygg was at its full height, bouncing gentle as it moved. It jiggled at him. Pyrric sighed.

"I know, I know. You did warn me that relying on a Tale monster would only lead to trouble. At least with Fell monsters, I can anticipate their irrationality," Pyrric said. "I don't trust him. Have one of the small birds follow him." Byggye shuddered and bobbed.

Pyrric sighed. "Maybe I am going soft. I should just dust him and be done with it. But do you know how hard it is to get a Tale monster to you owe you a debt? They're just so..." He wrinkled his nose as if he was tasting something foul. "... so _good_. It took me eight months to get Peter to fall into my trap after we dusted the last one. I just don't have that kind of time to waste. I need the superhero team out of commission before I can even begin to set up my new import business. Someone carelessly create a few dozen amalgamates while testing a new drug and suddenly no one will let you it into a city with millions of potential customers."

Byggye gyrated in sympathy. "Yes, yes. Anyway, let us hope that we can come up with a new plan and that Peter can pull it off. I will not tolerate failure a second time."

**Author's Note:**

> I mean, we all knew that this series wouldn't just be several chapters of sunshine and rainbows featuring Stretch and Edge, right?
> 
> Also, I want to say I am above naming random original character ridiculous puns, but honestly, I'm really not.


End file.
